In April/May of 2023, myself and several of my York University peers were selected for a workshop of Coleen Shirin MacPherson’s Erased as part of Theatre Passe Muraille’s BUZZ series. Since then, I have been involved in the piece as it has grown, shifted, and made its professional debut in November of 2024 at Theatre Passe Muraille, followed by its most recent production at the Heidelberger Stückemarkt in Germany– exactly three years from when I was first brought into its absurd, revolutionary, and ever-changing world.
The initial workshop for Erased was my very first “thing” outside a classroom context. When I found out I was selected for the project, I was just finishing my second year of study at York, and was bubbling with excitement at the opportunity to call myself not just a theatre student, but a theatre artist. The showing would be held in TPM’s mainspace, home of The Farm Show and a pillar of collective creation/devised theatre in Canada. All to say, the electricity that shot through my body whenever I thought about it reminded me of being a little kid when my brother would poke me after rubbing his socks back and forth on our living room carpet.
My experience with the workshop was overwhelmingly positive. Not only was I being guided through thoughtful, generative movement explorations by Coleen and our brilliant movement director, Alix Sideris, but I was doing it alongside peers and some very dear friends. While myself and the other interns were brought on as chorus members, I think I can speak for us all when I say that the label of “performer” feels almost reductive when explaining our involvement in Erased. The Disappeared and their story were a result of a room that privileged collaboration. We were constantly being reminded by Coleen and Alix that our offers were not just allowed, but encouraged. I still to this day attribute many of my attitudes and behaviours surrounding the creative process to the things I learned in that initial workshop, and wish every emerging artist the opportunity to have an early-career experience similar to what the BUZZ workshop was for me.
When Coleen reached out about a full-scale production of Erased at Theatre Passe Muraille in 2024, I was ecstatic at the opportunity to enter that world once again. Shortly after accepting the offer, I found out I would be one of two chorus members returning from the workshop exploration– the rest would be performers selected through a more traditional audition process. Nerves quickly surfaced. I do not really consider myself an “actor.” My studies did not focus as much on performance technique, and when I learned of the rest of our cast for the chorus, I was worried that my body and its limited experience would not allow me to keep up with professionally trained actors and performers. Fortunately, I was only a little bit right. It would be silly of me not to acknowledge that, yes, there were things others could do in the space that I just could not, but, I was part of something that found beauty in that. When we began the rehearsal process, I was reminded by Coleen and Alix that the exciting part of creating such collaborative, body-informed work is being able to use our limitations in intentional ways that feed the creative process. Restrictions became character choices, accessible movements were story beats, and these new bodies I was privileged enough to move and create alongside made the story their own in ways that fed my artistry as well. We were all so different, and that was the point.
Re-casting for a show like Erased is a very sacred thing. New performers are not just meant to copy something that already exists, they are expected to literally make it their own through things like personal gestures and movements that reflect what it feels like to be pushed to your limits by an oppressive capitalist system. It is impossible for the physical language of the show to be separated from its performers’ bodies and their capacities. Alix Sideris’ thoughtful movement direction works to create something different for each individual, and is focused on guiding the performer in the creation of their own personal language that is woven into the show’s history. Having worked on this show for three separate iterations, this past production at the Heidelberger Stückemarkt felt like performing with ghosts. Nice ghosts, obviously, ones that teach you things and whisper affirmations in your ear when you feel unsure. It felt like every new body was being held up by the work put in by the ones before, and it made me think of my second-year self and my friends and how bright-eyed we were three years prior and how they were there too, in a way. Erased is an organism made up of moving parts that are not always seen, but that are crucial to its function. If I ever have the privilege of being part of it again, I look forward to new bodies, new stories. If I don’t, I’ll still be in there somewhere even if you can’t see me.